I pulled into the parking spot, nosing up to the car in front of me and ran into the store.
In a matter of minutes I was back at the car, and ready to head home.
As I was getting situated in the front seat, a car came screeching into the spot next to me and an older gentleman flung open his driver door and approached me, speaking in an urgent tone.
"You know how to park the car?"
Because of the way he had pulled into the space next to me, all catawampus and hanging out into traffic, I thought he was asking me if I knew how to park a car so that I could help him park HIS car properly.
"Yes, I know how to park a car." I replied, still a little confused.
"Oh, you do? You do know how to park the car?"
Suddenly, his cell phone was shoved into my face, just inches from my eyes. I pulled my head back slightly to register what he was showing me.
It was a picture of my Expedition nose to nose with his car in the parking space, and my bumper was resting on his. Kissing it, really.
Apparently, when I had pulled in, I pulled in a little too much and made contact with his car. I didn't feel anything because of the aforementioned tank-like build of my vehicle.
He was very upset with me, and incredulous that I could have made such an egregious mistake.
I immediately apologized, and asked if there was any damage. He just kept ranting at me, and never backed out of my face.
"You can't drive a car."
"Based on the condition of this (gesturing to the car), I shouldn't expect anything less!"
"You shouldn't be driving!"
I cut into his tirade, somehow still calm and composed, and asked him what he would like me to do. I started to pull out my insurance information (even though I had yet to see any damage, significant or not) to show him I was serious about correcting my mistake.
"You learn how to drive," was all he said and stormed off as quickly as he shown up.
After he had shut his door and peeled out of the parking lot, I took a breath to calm my nerves.
I tried to make sense of what had just transpired.
I had make a mistake.
When he pointed out the mistake, I owned up to it and offered to do what I could to correct my actions.
He refused to be placated by my apology or my offer to fix any damage. He just kept ranting and reminding me of how I had messed up.
The whole situation completely occupied my thoughts on the way back home, and I was wrestling with why such an inconsequential encounter was bothering me.
I realized that the whole exchange was like the spiritual warfare we face everyday in our lives.
I messed up, made a mistake, missed the mark, made a misstep (that's sin).
That mistake was brought to my attention. (In life, our missteps are brought to our attention by people who observe them or are affected by them & through conviction by the Holy Spirit).
Instead of being satisfied with me taking responsibility for my actions, the man in the parking lot reminded me of my failure over and over again. He said that my appearance (in this case, what my car looked like), was a reflection of my worth and my ability.
Instead of feeling like I could move on from the situation and not feel judgment, I felt saddled by his condemnation and immediatley started to question myself.
As I was driving home, I was reminded of a quote I heard at a conference last year. Our speaker boldly said, "The devil knows our name, but calls us by our sin. God knows our sin, but calls us by our name" (Dave Stone).
Don't miss that, friends. The devil will remind you over and over and over again about how you have messed up. God reminds you over and over and over again how much he loves you.
Bob Goff (check him out, if you've never read his book) says " On your worst days Jesus calls you "Beloved". If you aren't hearing "Beloved", its not Jesus."
This guy in the parking lot was fully focused on how I had messed up, and what a terrible person that made me. He made his voice big and loud, and his criticism even louder. I'm not sure what his goal was that day, since he obviously didn't want my help to fix anything. He wanted to feel right, to make me feel wrong.
His public tongue lashing certainly shook me up, but I am so thankful that God was able to speak truth to me through that moment. My value and worth is not tied to my ability or performance.
The man in my parking lot wanted to judge me that day, but I know his judgment doesn't have any lasting effect in my life.
Remember that you don't have to listen to all the voices that you hear. They may be little, nagging voices in your head about not being a good enough mother, or they maybe voices that come shouting over the internet critiquing your efforts. They may be voices from people you felt like you could trust, or they could be voices from random people that blindside you on a Tuesday afternoon in the Whole Foods parking lot. You may hear them, but you don't have to listen. And, you certainly don't have to believe that they are true.
Remember, you are beloved. Mistakes and missteps and mess-ups can't change that.
God's love is like my 2002 Expedition. Tough enough to withstand anything and big enough to make you feel safe and secure, whatever you encounter along the way.
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